


game of TRAILER PARKS

by Theraccoon



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Game of Thrones-esque, Humor, One Shot, alternate universe- white trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:38:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5947579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theraccoon/pseuds/Theraccoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He jumped from rooftop to rooftop, the thick, summer air whipping his greasy rat tail around. 100% humidity was the closest thing he ever got to a shower these days.</p><p>Normally, on a Sunday, he'd be learning how to knife fight from Jon but mum's having a bad day again and still hates Jon for being a reminder that even Honorable Ned's a manwhore after enough tequila. Besides, everyone is busy- the head of the mafia in Florida's RV city was coming here to visit, since their leader had been friends with Ned through childhood. Bran saw them all walking up from the southern sector atop his favorite trailor and ran down to let everyone know to get ready. After all, if they were here, they must have some sort of vested interest in extending power to the Stark family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	game of TRAILER PARKS

He jumped from rooftop to rooftop, the thick, summer air whipping his greasy rat tail around. 100% humidity was the closest thing he ever got to a shower these days.

Normally, on a Sunday, he'd be learning how to knife fight from Jon but mum's having a bad day again and still hates Jon for being a reminder that even Honorable Ned's a manwhore after enough tequila. Besides, everyone is busy- the head of the mafia in Florida's RV city was coming here to visit, since their leader had been friends with Ned through childhood. Bran saw them all walking up from the southern sector atop his favorite trailor and ran down to let everyone know to get ready. After all, if they were here, they must have some sort of vested interest in extending power to the Stark family.

They all greeted each other with fake smiles and cold, unclear intentions. Robert, the Mafia head, and Tyrion, his suave midget brother-in-law, were the only cool ones. Robert was fat and tall, guffawing every sentence with fervor and Tyrion was about Bran's height and smelled of rum even though it was 10 in the morning. He was funny, at least, though. Different than the rest, it seemed.

"You look much bigger than I remember!" Robert told Bran, a hand patting him on the top of the head. He was bursting out of his clearly unwashed, tattered suit. "Maybe you'll grow up to be a better fighter than your father!", he guffawed heartily. He moved on to hug Cat and Ned enthusiastically.

Ned reached out and patted Tyrion on the head as well. "You don't look much bigger than I remember," Ned quipped with a grin on his face. Everyone laughed.

"As much as I'm enjoying this," Tyrion told the group with a sly smile, "I'm going to find an empty trailer and call the dirtiest hooker in this part of Florida to pay me a visit. If I'm going to be sopping wet, it's not going to be from the humidity." Everyone groaned in disgust as he limped away. You could practically see the smell of alcohol trailing behind him.

Cat leaned over to whisper in Ned's ear. He smiled a little after glancing over at Robert's son, Joffrey, who had a constant look of disgust on his face as if he weren't a nasty mess himself. I wonder if they think he's a little bitch, like I do. Eugh, he has mullet, too. Wannabe. Rat tails for life.

"Ned, I'd like to visit Lyanna," Robert said in a serious shift of tone. It was strange seeing him look solemn all of a sudden. "Take me to her grave in the backyard." They left to pay their respects.

Some of the head family wandered off without saying much. The twins, namely. They seem like assholes.

Everyone else gathered in the big RV to eat and talk about everything they'd been missing out on since last meeting. The feast looked incredible, freshly hunted ducks, pidgeons and squirrels that had been salted, fried and roasted. There were piles of creamy mashed potatoes the size of Bran's head and loaves of Wonder bread on every table, none without a stick of butter by its side.

There was a massive bowl of coleslaw on each table, although it was basically just mayonnaise and lettuce. A huge deep fryer was set up to fry your own food- okra, oreos, pickles, any meat, green tomatoes- you name it. Oh, and it wouldn't be a feast without mac'n'cheese, of course. Greasy, cheesy goodness.

Bran had never seen so much PBR in his entire life- 24 packs stacked to the roof of the RV. Someone had brought Yuengling, as made clear by the 24 pack being used at a shotgun target. PBR is king.

Just outside the RV, all the roadkill gathered that week was roasting on a spit. Mangled possums, raccoons, squirrel and deer all rotating over a roaring flame, the smell of it rolling over our whole RV park. Mmm, raccoon.

Jon and Tyrion were outside, talking to one another, presumably about the hard life of being outcasts. Still no sign of the twins. Bran was sitting next to Sansa, who wouldn't stop talking about that ugly twat Joffrey. I don't want to sit around and listen to them gossip, Bran thought to himself. He decided to leave and go for a climb.

Luckily, there are a few patches of big trees throughout the northern trailer park that Bran knew intimately, and an old treehouse sat majestically in the biggest one. There's a ladder, but Bran never used it. He climbed up an adjacent tree, his fingers scraping through bark and leaves rustling his face. As he came up to the treehouse, he heard a strange noise.

Bran snuck up along the wall of the treehouse and peered inside. He was confused by what he saw. There, on the ground and completely wild with passion, were the head family's twin siblings Jaime and Cersei. Incest isn't a foreigner in an RV park, as everyone knows, but Bran did not fully understand this- sure, he'd been mesmerized by fleeting glances of Sansa's bare body in the past and the butcher's boy was often seen tongue in mouth with his cousin, but he'd never learned of sex. The slapping, groaning and wet sounds were disgusting to Bran, and the confusion led to his error. He rustled a few leaves behind him and alerted the twins. Jaime ran up to the window and grabbed Bran by the shirt, laughing to himself when he realized it was just a child.

"He's just a kid," Jaime chuckled. Cersei looked furious. He knew that look too well, and turned back to Bran. "Ah, what can you do. Women make the decisions. Sorry, kiddo."

He let go of Bran, who fell through the air- his thick, greasy hair whipping in the wind.

Oh, my rat tail's come undone.

Soft flesh met hard earth with a thump, a thump Jaime could not hear over the sound of slapping and groaning.


End file.
